LOSER!

It’s already been an unforgettable trip. And even if I didn’t think it was possible, it was only to get better.

Thursday morning, everyone was going to get up at 9 for breakfast and we were to head out to Addo National Elephant Park and then cheetah petting. Naturally, I was up early. I need to apologize to everyone in the room for my less than graceful attempt to get off the top bunk. I swear some days I need to check to make sure my feet are even under me. Azriel and I filled the time waiting for Team Yaris with card tricks and puzzles. It was a much more relaxing way to start the day than how we started it Wednesday and I definitely prefer it (it’s still no breakfast in bed like I was used to at home but I’ll take it). It was a delicious breakfast down to all the homemade jams. All five of us played the guessing game trying to figure out what fruits they were. I think this is when I realized how easily entertained we were becoming on the trip and more like a family. No one guessed all the right answers by the way. And although the jams were good, I still missed my eggs and oatmeal. I don’t know why people over here insist on eating lunch meat and bread for breakfast but I’m not about to get used to it.

We headed out (I drove), to the elephant park. We heard that if we show we’re studying at UCT, we can get about a $12 (R100) discount on our entrance fee to the park and then only have to pay about $30 (R220) for a real safari tour. When we got to the first gate, we told the lady we were students studying at UCT. She asked to see our IDs. So I collect them from everyone in the car. Again, grace came to bite me and I dropped one out the window so I had to do that awkward getting out of the car to get it and hand it to her then get back in the car maneuver. She asked us how long we were staying and we told her until November. Then she asked when we got here, we said July. She goes, “no, sorry. You have to be here for at least six months to get the discount.” Seriously? Whatever, lady. Sorry you’re bitter that we’re on spring break and you’re stuck working at a toll booth to the National Park. I pull a U-ie and we just head to the cheetah petting hoping that if we went back later in the day, she just wouldn’t be there. If we had a voodoo doll, that lady would have been hurting. We were NOT pleased that she denied us the discount.

It took us about 45 minutes to get to Daniell’s Cheetahs and on the way I almost ran over some Jack Russell’s. I’m convinced they were suicidal though since they jumped in front of the car. There is really nothing like driving through the middle of the Eastern Cape. At some points, I felt like I was back in Pennsylvania because of the green fields and then the next second, the scenery was completely different like a desert. Having no idea where we were going and no GPS to tell me when I was going to get there, was almost freeing. It was like you didn’t have to answer to anyone (except the people in the back which I could drown out with the music) and if you didn’t make it to where you wanted to go, hey, whatever! We made it though and without trouble. Thank God we did too. What a beautiful cat. We went into the cage and she was so peaceful and friendly. As soon as one of the workers went down to pet her she started purring and licking the worker’s hand. The cat was just downright friendly! Not as soft as I expected though… After petting the cheetah we went and played with two lion cubs. They were brother and sister. These guys were really playful and would just bite everything they could get their teeth on. One was going to town on my hand for a couple minutes and almost ripped holes in my jeans. I now have pulls from where his claws were digging through them. Nick and Azriel laid belly down on the ground and these two kitties just POUNCED on them. When the guys finally stood up, their shirts were covered in holes all over.

Our next decision had serious consequences. We decided to stay at the cheetah petting place to eat lunch when a car pulls up and 4 HUGE drunk guys get out of their car. They start buying ice and more beer in the store then retreat back to their car. I’m out at the car grabbing some food and water out of the trunk and I look over to see Nick downing a beer from these MEN. Then I just hear these MEN screaming, “REAL AMERICANS! WE NEED TO GET A PICTURE!” Cameras are being thrown around. Michelle is in the middle of the picture and practically in a head lock by one of the guys. What is going on?

Turns out, these guys are 20 year old Afrikaner rugby players from the Free State taking a long weekend to go fishing. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about South Africa, you don’t mess with Afrikaners. They are mostly known for being large, in charge (which is an understatement because it was the Afrikaner government that started the apartheid), and drinking. Mind you, it was one in the afternoon at this point and these guys are so smashed that when Maggie asked them to “teach us!” Afrikaans, they started cheering for “Cheetahs!” As we go to sit down on the picnic tables, one of the guys sits to the right of Michelle while another THROWS A CAT off the picnic bench to the left of Michelle and sits to the other side of her. Afrikaner Michelle sandwich! Michelle is not the biggest of girls. She’s about 5’10” and has very little meat on her bones. She looked like a premature baby between these two 6’5”, 250 lb guys. We’re talking for a little bit about the Rugby World Cup that was to open on Saturday morning. Sunday, South Africa’s Springboks were playing Wales (Another fun Michelle fact: Michelle is from Wales and does not have American citizenship yet). When those guys found out she was from Wales, I thought I was going to witness the end of Michelle’s life right there on the picnic benches at Daniell’s Cheetahs. There was a long 5 second pause in the tables conversation and simultaneously the guys to either side of Michelle, in their best American accent, say “Loser!” and flash her a nice “L” then high five above her head. I think the five Americans breathed a sigh of relief for her. As our new friends said bye to us, the one to the right of Michelle puts on his hat, beer still in hand and pours it all over himself. I won’t lie; I sat a little straighter as I compared my grace to his.

After lunch, we headed back towards the National Park. Luck was on our side, ants-in-her-pants was not working at the booth and we were able to get the student discount! Maggie, Michelle, and I took the safari car with a guide while the boys went out on their own in the car. It was totally worth it getting the safari car, if not just for the fact that we weren’t squished in the back of the car. Actually, each had our own row in the safari car because we were the only three on the tour. I took the front seat. We went off roading a little bit and saved a turtle from the electric fence around the park. The guide brought it up to the car and was talking about it while he placed it on the rail right in front of me. This guy was more mad about being up in the car than we were about not getting the student discount. He was hissing and popping in and out of his shell. His legs were flailing all over the place. He peed. I just wanted him away from me. Then the guide asks me to kiss it and maybe it will turn into a prince. No way, sir! I know it doesn’t work like that! Now put him back on the ground before he gets loose on my lap please. We continued on and saw some zebra, springbok, elephants, warthogs. Again, it was just a beautiful day to have the top off the car and be driving around even if I wasn’t on a safari. As the sun started to set over the mountains, it started to get a bit cold and we headed back in around 5 to meet up with the guys and head out to Starling in Knysna with our three CDs in the CD player.

Of course, like everything else on the trip, it wouldn’t be that simple. We came about a foot from T-boning a car at an intersection that’s lights were out and almost ran out of gas. 11:30 PM, we made it back to Starling.